dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize