why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
