i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
