We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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