4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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