My friends, they love my intelligence
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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