Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
as a side note pls kill me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize