Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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