margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
