And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
did i just pee glitter
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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