I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
