i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize