pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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