Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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