What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
