Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
