I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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