exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
