see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
