Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
