I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
