Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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