I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
