pop tarts are not kleenex
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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