I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
