It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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