There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
