We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize