so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
