I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
