haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
