I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
