Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
