Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
