Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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