1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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