You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
