you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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