oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
