I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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