Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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