Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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