He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
