the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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