yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize