she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
