census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
