i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
