I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It was confusing and full of hummus
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
