Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
