if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
pray to the hookup gods
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
