I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
