That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
