We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
