saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
