I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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