I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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