i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
