Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
