It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
