He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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