You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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