He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
