why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
