I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
