everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
