NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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