Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize