So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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