there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
